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Dear Lover, Touch me not…

Domestic Violence (Relationship Violence)

Kweku, who has just returned from work after a bad day, sits on the living room sofa, angrily muttering to himself

Kweku: Ahh, so hasn’t Adwoa seen that I returned from work about an hour ago? Ahh!! Mtcheww, where is that lazy woman I married? (Still muttering angrily).

Kweku: Adwoa!!! Adwoa!!!!

Adwoa: (shouts from the kitchen and comes into the living room) “Yes, my husband”.

Kweku: Adwoa, why haven’t you served me food to eat since I returned from work?!!! (A tone of anger in his voice)

Adwoa: I’m sorry, Kweku, I was tidying up the kitchen after cooking.

Kweku: Are you stupid?!! What kind of a woman are you?!! I’ve been hungry for hours and you’re here talking about tidying the kitchen!! (He stands up from the sofa angrily and stomps toward Adwoa).

Adwoa: I,I ,I……. (Stammers and takes a step back with a frightened expression on her face).

Kweku: You what?!!! Have you nothing to say? You are a good for nothing woman!!! Why did I even marry you?!!, to stand here and stammer?!!!

*smack!* *smack!!* (Kweku lands her two punches to the face)

(Adwoa cries out and runs towards the kitchen with Kweku following closely behind her while throwing more punches at her).

Above is the case of Kweku and Adwoa, a married couple. Their marriage is a prime example of domestic violence, also known as violence in relationships.

    According to Weber.edu, “Relationship violence is a pattern of behaviours used by one partner to establish and maintain power and control over the other partner.”

( https://www.weber.edu/CounselingCenter/relationship-violence.html).

An abusive attitude or behaviour tends to become worse as time goes on. It might start as a funny insult, joke, or poke and then progress into serious verbal insults and finally metamorphose into physical abuse as time passes. This is because we do not tend to correct it when it starts springing up like a young seedling. Therefore it grows into a young plant and then into an adult plant, then boom!!! It explodes in our faces.

Your partner can playfully call you “stupid” and get away with it. Tomorrow, they gently poke you and get away with it again. We like to experiment; therefore, the more they get away with it, the more dangerous or comfortable they become with perpetrating violence.

 Domestic violence is more closely associated with women because women come out and talk about their experiences. Still, the truth is that men go through it, too, though on a lesser scale. Still, they don’t like to talk about it primarily because of the masculinity factor; men tend to think that “I have to be a man”, “I can’t complain,” or “my friends will laugh at me”, therefore suffering quietly in the abusive relationship.

People suffer domestic violence every day but do not even know it because they do not know the different types or levels of domestic violence.

 Physical violence is the most predominant or known type of domestic violence. This is when one partner suffers erratic behaviour such as hitting, beating, punching, slapping, throwing things, choking, pushing, and so on in the hands of their partners. Many people go through physical violence and keep quiet about it; this has led to many fatalities and deaths; people are advised to speak out and look for the necessary help because keeping quiet can put your life in danger.

Any sexual contact that is unwanted, pressurized or coerced can be termed as sexual violence or abuse. This can include when one partner suffers unwanted touching or kissing. Sex is obtained from threats, tape, attempted rape, and rough or violent sex from their partner. Even if the two partners have engaged in consensual sex before if one partner suffers from any of these elements, it becomes sexual violence and should be reported; we should also speak out to prevent other people from suffering the same fate.

Verbal violence is any form of language that includes insults, threats, ridicule, disrespect, and/or negative criticism. People go through these silently every day and suffer words meant to humiliate, falsely accuse, manipulate them and make them feel unloved or unwanted by their significant other or someone they are in a committed relationship with, e.g. their boyfriends, girlfriends, wives and husband. One notable thing about verbal violence is that it leads to physical violence most time. Cut it out from the root before it blossoms; as the saying goes, “it is better to be safe than sorry.

Threatening, intimidating, undermining your partner’s self-worth to make them feel less of themselves and restricting or controlling their freedom can be called emotional abuse. It can even extend to disgracing your partner in public and isolating them from other people to feel in total control. It includes constantly suffering from criticism from your partner and your movements being monitored by your partner and being blackmailed into submission. These are traits of a psychotic partner, and you shouldn’t wait until you are hurt or dead before you take action. It would help if you remembered to speak out and run as far as your legs can carry you before you get hurt.

The last but not the least type of relationship or domestic violence is Economic abuse or violence. It is when one intimate partner controls the other partner’s access to economic resources, such as bank accounts, credit cards and cash. The reason behind this is to diminish the other partner’s ability or capacity to support themself and restrict their sense of freedom and independence. Limiting access to cash or credit cards, changing bank account PINs and passwords, and forcing someone to sign financial documents are all singes of economic violence and abuse.

The scenario above, depicted about Kweku and Adwoa, is an excellent example of the forms of violence; it includes physical, verbal, emotional, and even economic violence since Kweku is the only breadwinner of the family whilst Adwoa is a housewife.

We should learn to speak out when we experience any form of violence, do not wait until the last minute to speak out, report or leave that abusive partner because, as I stated above, you might not live to tell the tale later.

     “The enemy doesn’t stand a chance when the victim decides to survive.”

       — Rae Smith.

By Francesca Agusionu

Francesca is a graduate of Central University in 2022 and loves to write.

January 12, 2023

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