On our wedding, we wrote our own vows. I wrote Marilyn’s vows and she wrote mine. These were the promises we made to each other, but one message found its way into both vows. ‘To you I commit my body, mind and soul till the end of time. I will love you forever till death do us part’. Those words were deeply ingrained in my heart and I knew I wanted to be with her forever. On one of our quiet evenings, Marilyn suddenly turned to me and asked if we could continue being together in heaven, when we die and leave this world. I felt a sudden dryness in my throat, and though I tried to fight it, tears started running down my cheeks. I could not imagine losing my soulmate at any point in time. Our love was invincible, and we were inseparable.
Marilyn and I met in our final year at the university and we dated for three years before getting married. We’ve been married for 16 years with three strong boys. The past sixteen years have been filled with bitter-sweet experiences. Half of our married life was fine and filled with love until the second half changed everything.
Its been sixteen years and I do not love my wife anymore. No, she hasn’t cheated on me nor am I cheating on her. She is still the kindhearted woman, and good mother she has always been. But I have grown out of love.
When Smith, our first son was born, my Marilyn went through postpartum depression, a type of disorder associated with childbirth. I could not stand the pain of seeing her go through all the pain but the fact that she was the love of my life made me stick with her through it all. I took time off work to take care of her and our baby. Months after she recovered completely, everything returned to normal and we raised our boy happily together. Years after, we had our second son Jason, then the third, Adams.
However, the past seven years have been tough.
Marilyn was a sexy young woman when we met, in fact I found her attractive even before we started dating. I loved how well she took care of her body. Her hair was always shiny, and she always smelled like lavender. I was proud to have her as my woman and would not hesitate to introduce her to my friends and family on any day.
I am afraid I cannot say same today. My wife hardly wants to hang out with me on any date night and would not even go with me to my company’s end of year get-together or any social event for that matter. She always gives one excuse after the other. She goes weeks without washing her hair and wears what can be qualified as rugs at home.
One night, I got home to find her deeply asleep. Her hair was unkempt, and her feet looked very dirty (obvious she hadn’t taken a bath before going to bed). I left the bedroom and slept in the couch. Next morning, I asked her why she did not wash down before going to bed and all she said was that she was too tired to take a bath. That repeated on many occasions. I hardly get the opportunity to talk to my wife about my day or vice versa. She is always busily chatting on her mobile phone and giggling and would get offended each time I complain.
This has been going on for years. Our boys are growing, and my wife has made them her ‘husbands’, most of her time taking care of them and not taking care of me too. On numerous occasions when I tried to get her attention and spend time with her after a hard day’s work, she ignores me and concentrates on Kumkum Bagya on television. For seven years, this is what I have been going through and as much as I try to reignite the love, it keeps fading away. Some of my friends have attempted to introduce me to some beautiful young women in the past (most of them very attractive and tempting) which I declined but I am seriously beginning to consider it.
I feel nothing for Marilyn anymore. She seems married to her phone and the television set. I tried all I could to get her attention in the past but all that was in futility. I am considering taking time off to have some fun because I am no longer bothered by her attitudinal change. In fact, I feel liberated. I do not love her any more.
Should I try finding love elsewhere?